why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is Oprah even human
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
