So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
