): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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