my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
