Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
