YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
