Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
