My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found puke in my bra..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
