He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
