i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
