I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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