You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
