I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
