I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
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I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i out mim tonsoeep
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