You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
