beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
as a side note pls kill me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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