If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
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I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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