why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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