New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
