hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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