his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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