he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I will die if light touches me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize