She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
