Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
