he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
