Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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