I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
