At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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