I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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