Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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