so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
