so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
