she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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