i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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