Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
