My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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