btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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