yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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