last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just found puke in my bra..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
