i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Someone shit on the floor
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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