Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My friends, they love my intelligence
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
