Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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