from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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