i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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