I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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