I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
false alarm, still single
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