I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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