i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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