i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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