also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
