listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
