i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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