oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
