Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
