I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
